Phyl, Doug and I were wrapped up in conversation on the phone the other day when the topic turned to forgiving. Doug admitted that he could not forgive the medical profession after the death of his loved one. I shared that I had a difficult time forgiving my father for the way he had treated my mother while she was ill, and it became even more difficult after she died.
I shared with them that I had turned to a minister friend for help with forgiving my dad. He advised me that I needed to find one good quality about my dad, even if it was "he ties his shoes correctly" and then say it over and over again until pretty soon I would be able to say it without having a lump in my throat. Then over time it would get easier and easier to find more good qualities about him, thus replacing the bad memories and feelings with positive ones.
Of course I am programmed a little different than most I have been told. So with that being said, the next day when I called my minister friend to share the good news that I had already found one good thing that I could say about my father, he was impressed. I then announced "that my father was an excellent sperm donor....since he had made me and my sister". At this point the minister giggled and said he thought I had a ways to go but to keep trying.
Then Doug shared an experience he had had back when he was working the 12 step program with Alcoholics Anonymous. He used to mouth off quite a bit and one day at the AA meeting he was talking about this guy that had ticked him off and Doug had said he ought to just shoot him. One of the guys at the meeting said Go ahead. Doug stated he didn't want to go to jail. Then the other guy said You know what you need to do? You need to get down on your knees and pray for him. Doug told him Why would I do that, I wouldn't mean it. The other guy told him Say the prayer anyway. Then tell God you don't mean it.... but you want to.
If you feel compelled to join us....Doug and I will be on our knees each night praying. We may not mean it now....but we want to.
Jacki
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